Four and Fabulous

Dear Jillian,

Another year has passed and you are four today! 4! You have waited excitedly for this birthday for a long time--mostly because we told you once when you were around 2 that you could have gumballs when you turned 4. Your Pinkalicious book prompted you to ask if you could have some. There was absolutely zero logic behind our answer, it just seemed like a long ways off and we weren't ready to deal with gum-chewing yet. When you woke up this morning, you were so full of joy. "I'm four, Mom! I'm FOUR!" I hugged you and tried to just imprint that sweet little moment into my brain, for I know that in no time at all you will be excited that you are fourteen. You also came to me earnestly as I was helping you get your clothes out of your drawer and made me a little "promise"..."Mom, now that I'm four I'm going to be a good listener. I wasn't a good listener when I was three, but I'm going to listen now, I promise" (can I get that in writing???).  Self-awareness is always a good quality, and I think you are really starting to develop it.

I have spent a lot of time today thinking about my journey so far as your mother. Actually, it's been on my mind a lot in recent weeks as I've come to a realization: you and I are a lot alike. We are intense. We like routine. We are emotional. We remember events in great detail (and no one better challenge those details!). We are sensitive to change. Did I already mention that we are intense?? I'm going to be honest and admit that I've often felt frustrated with some of those qualities I just mentioned that are evident in you-- all while forgetting that they are the very qualities in myself that I struggle to tame. So, it is with a great humility that I say that perhaps I haven't offered you enough grace.  Instead of embracing, understanding, and accepting some of those traits, I've probably expected too much. This is the hard part of being a mom--realizing that you've made mistakes! I'm going to make a lot more. It's my prayer that I will always acknowledge them, learn from them, and ask for your forgiveness. Anyway, this is just a long way of saying that you are teaching me a lot. I never would have imagined that such a little person could have that capability, but it is true.

You have the most inquisitive and curious nature of anyone I've ever met (you totally get that from your dad). You have questions about everything, and you ask with great intent. It seems important to you to understand relationships of people/things/ideas and you want to know how everything works. Usually, an answer isn't enough. You need to see it, touch it, experience it, and move through it for yourself; you are most definitely an active learner.

Since infancy you have been a social butterfly and total people person. You are like a little light that shines as you move throughout your environments, and people are attracted to you. I love to watch you greet your teachers (and every teacher in the building--somehow you know all of them and they know you), say hello to peers, and joyfully hug your friends. You are a true extrovert and I can see how energized you become in social settings; that interaction just fills you up until you spill over with glee.

You love music, and really love to sing. You make requests in the car all the time. Currently, you want to hear Mamma Mia, and you really can sing all the words of most every song on the CD. If they ever play an ABBA song during karaoke somewhere, you've got it covered. I love seeing you "perform" as I glance in the rear view mirror, with your sister bopping along to the beat as she marvels at you.  Speaking of your sister, she thinks you are awesome. You seem to think she is awesome, too, and I am so glad. I love watching you two interact and develop this relationship that you will have your whole life. You really are good to her, and while you have normal sibling squabbles, I'm impressed by how considerate you are of her, how much you try to include her in your play, and how protective you are of her. You are a great big sister.

I am thankful for your exuberance. It's true that I am often fatigued by your energy level, but that's part of the job of a mom--being tired. I love that you are excited by experiences and life in general. You are full of joy, happiness, and authentic emotion. While it's true that when you are upset you are REALLY upset, the opposite is also true: when you are happy, you are REALLY happy. When  you love someone or something, you REALLY love it. I never have to wonder where you stand on an issue because you do not have any trouble expressing yourself.

Last week when you came home from school after your class celebrated your birthday, you told me that they sang you the "Four Year Old Birthday Song". I asked you what that was and you sang  it to me: "Happy Birthday to you, remember Jesus loves you. He made you SO special, Happy Birthday to you!"
Yes, Jillian, you ARE special. A blessing too big to grasp. It is such a privilege to be your mom. Happy Birthday to my fabulous 4 year old! Love you forever.

xoxo Mommy