Heaven

To begin this post, I will just be truthful and say that it was not a good day. Irritable mom. Cranky, teething baby. Disobedient preschooler. We all feed off each other, and the fires were blazing today. I often think about the intensities of motherhood--the extreme joy that makes your heart nearly burst, and the feeling of despair over negative interactions that cause continual questioning of your parenting abilities and choices. Today was a polarizing kind of day, where I was taken to both of the above extremes several times, and often within a short time span. It is so easy for me to focus on the negative aspects, but the point of this post is really to share the high point that made me feel so hopeful about the heart of my limit-testing, spirited child. It began during the only real moment that Jillian and I were alone together. Adrienne was contently playing in her "baby jail" as I worked on dinner. Jillian had been out back playing on her swingset, but decided she was done. I enlisted her help to set the table, and she was eager to oblige this request for the first time. As we were working away, she just casually brought up the subject of heaven. I know we have talked about heaven before, but on very light terms--mostly just mentioning that is where my Grammy is, Anita is, etc. She came to this conversation armed with some heavy truths--though she couldn't tell me what the Bible story at school was today when I asked her earlier, this certainly must have been the topic.

J: "Mom, I know how to get to heaven".
Me: (completely caught off guard) "Really? Tell me."
J: "Well, you have to have Jesus in your heart".
Me: "That's right, Jillian. How do you get Jesus in your heart?"
J: "I don't know, Mom. He just gets there. Heaven is where you go when you die. I don't want to die, Mom."
Me: "Well, everyone dies eventually Jillian. I hope that doesn't happen for a very long time."
J: "It's sad because people aren't on Earth anymore then."
Me: (trying to think quickly) "The people left on Earth are sad when someone dies because we love them and miss them, but when you die you get to be with Jesus. And that is a good thing."
J: "Yeah, because you can take walks with him and do stuff with him. That's great!"
Me: "Jillian, do you want to know how to get Jesus in your heart?"
J: "Yes"
Me: "All you have to do is just ask him to be in your heart, and he will be there."
J: (looking down into her shirt, which just so happened to have a big 'ol heart on the front of it...) "Yeah, Mom, he is right here. He is down here in my heart. And I have a heart on my shirt!"

I think I need to ask for her help in the kitchen more often.