Seeing is Believing

After about 3 weeks of wondering if anything was really going on in there, we have confirmation that those two little lines were not lying. I started getting familiar, reassuring signs about a week ago. Enter nausea. Much different this time in that I cannot just rest on a whim, or come home from work and take a nap. Funny how a 2 year old doesn't seem to care when you tell her that you don't feel good :). On Friday, I dropped Jillian off at a friend's house and headed down for blood work and the required nurse appt. The nurse asked me how I was feeling, and I told her about the nausea. I also told her that I had been experiencing some left sided abdominal pain from time to time. She decided I should have a viability scan right away to make sure we weren't dealing with an ectopic pregnancy. I had no time to page Matt, so he wasn't there when I got the first glimpse of the life inside me. A tiny, flickering heart and yolk sac, implanted appropriately in the uterus.

They took some measurements and discovered that the baby measured 6 days behind my estimated due date that was based on my period. The sonographer told me that if it's more than 5 days, they change the due date. So, just like that, he erased June 25th and entered July 1st. How bold of him. I didn't appreciate that at all. Any woman who has ever been pregnant will understand that having someone rewind your pregnancy clock by nearly an entire week is not music to your ears! So, suddenly, I had a 7 week old embryo instead of an 8 week one. Matt finds it hilarious that this even matters to me. All frustrations aside, that beating heart was a beautiful sight.

Today, I returned to the OB office for my first visit with the OB. When I scheduled my appt, I learned that my previous OB was switching to straight GYN, and would not be able to see me. I had a few choices, but in the end, chose the OB who had the soonest opening. Dr. J has been practicing a long time at Mayo, and I happen to know that he takes care of a lot of the radiology residents/spouses. Additionally, Matt and his son were in the same residency class. I always said I'd never want a male OB, but now that I've had a baby I don't really care. I know that in the end there are many people involved in one's care, so just didn't seem like a big deal to me. After meeting with Dr. J, I feel very thankful to have him overseeing my care. He is smart, laid back, and very thorough. A non-alarmist OB is just what this girl needs. We chatted for a bit about my previous pregnancy, reviewed blood work (all fine), and talked a bit about Factor V Leiden management. He is in agreement with the past plan that I stick with a baby aspirin and can choose to take post partum heparin injections as before. We also discussed my broken tailbone, and whether or not that could occur again. Over 2 years later, I still have a bit of trouble with it at times. He could not feel an upturned tailbone during my exam, but said it would certainly get bumped and would probably be painful again (though nothing like it was the first time). He threw out the option of an elective C-section this time, but I am not at this point inclined to choose that. I'm sure we'll revisit that later in the game. Dr. J. offered to do another ultrasound to peek at the babe and I of course obliged. The big bummer of the appt was that Matt didn't get my page when he was about to do the ultrasound so that he could walk upstairs to join me--technology failed and we didn't connect until after the appt. Dr J, said not to worry, he'd gladly do another at my next appt. Baby looks good! (Good at 8ish weeks means looks like a swamp creature with a beating heart)

A Pleasant Surprise

Saturday morning's events were rather unexpected. Jillian woke, as usual, full of energy and was literally running circles around me. I stumbled to the bathroom, remembering that I hadn't gotten my period yet, and I was certain that I was about to start based on symptoms I medicated myself for the night before. I knew that we were going to some friends for dinner that night, and that I would likely consume some wine, so just to be safe I dug out a pregnancy test. I did my thing, went in to see what Jillian was tearing apart, and then re-entered the bathroom to get ready for the day. I had almost forgotten that little stick on the counter. I picked it up and in one motion began moving towards the trash can, since I was certain it was negative (remember this was a "just to be safe" test, not a "I'm probably pregnant" test). I completely froze when I quickly glanced at it and saw not one, but two visible lines. Was this a joke? You see, people like me don't just get pregnant spontaneously. We call the dr. for a Clomid prescription, get blood tests, and track every bit of "activity" as we go through a medicated cycle. There are no surprises when your body operates as mine does. I have spent a lot of money over the years on "just to be safe" pregnancy tests because my cycles are so long and erratic, and I do enjoy a regular glass or two of wine. I am just cautious that way. I digress...
So there I stood, staring at the two lines, heart pounding, breath quickening, as Matt slept and the wild child was torturing me with her thrill seeking behavior. I was nearly frozen, unsure of what to do. So, I did what any mother of a hungry toddler would do. I left the test on the bathroom counter, took Jillian downstairs, made my coffee, and fed her breakfast. Matt and I would talk this over when he woke and then I could decide if it was really real or not.
About an hour later, as I was unloading the dishwasher, I heard Matt shout down from the upstairs bathroom: "Malia, is this a positive test?" My answer was a shaky "Yup" as he came barreling down the stairs to hug me proclaiming "We're going to have another baby!!". Still stunned, the tears started to flow. Do  not mistake the tears for sadness--not at all the case. Rather, those were tears of disbelief and fear. Disbelief that this was really happening without "help". Could my body really do this on it's own? The fear was related to worries I have about being a good mother. I struggle so hard with being patient with my toddler, can I really handle another and be a good mom? Pregnancy hormones were already in full swing, and those common irrational thoughts had overtaken my brain at that moment. Amidst my range of emotions I also felt an intense love and softness toward my husband. It's really moving to see a man who is so often composed be overcome with joy and happiness in that way. His reaction of pure joy brought me such comfort, and helped subdue my hormonal worries that threatened to kill the moment. So here we are. Pregnant with #2. I have taken two subsequent pregnancy tests with definite positive results, yet I struggle to believe that it is really true. Perhaps it is just that my reality is that I do have a nearly 2 year old who requires constant attention, and that I don't have time to dwell on the fact that I am pregnant and what a new baby will mean for our family. I have heard so many others say "the second time is different" on countless occasions, and only three days in, it seems to be true. Let the adventure begin!
Oh, before I end this post, I must report that Matt came home after a haircut on Saturday with the following items for me, grinning ear to ear:

If you read Jillian's blog, you will recognize these as items that I couldn't live without during the first trimester of that pregnancy. My beloved Pop Tarts and Perrier. Will I need them again? Time will tell....